WEED WHACKER DISCLAIMER:
When I weed (the verb) my yard, I try the following strategies: yank the weeds out by their roots; cut them with a machete, whacker, clippers, or saw; mow over them; stomp on them; spray systemic poison on them; strangle them with my work-glove hands to not leave any fingerprints; smother them with mulch, boulders, and tar paper; shoot them with my 50-year-old B-B gun; and pummel them with a Louisville slugger baseball bat (Well, maybe, not exactly; it was a Hank Aaron aluminum bat!).
Then, guess what? Yup, you’re right: I was promptly arrested and thrown into the Slammer, the BIG House. WROOONNG! Of course not. What were you thinking? What happened is that, after the next rain, those weeds and their demonic little offspring came back with a vengeance like the botanical version of zombies from Michael Jackson’s Thriller video. (SIDEBAR: I’m having so much fun with this metaphor!)
Anyway, I want to be like Jack Nicholson-A Few Good Men “crystal clear” that I am not condoning any of the preceding actions in your department. Well, maybe the baseball bat would be okay. Naaah!
No matter how bad the weeds are or what they do to you everyday of your work-life to cause you misery and pain and impede your productivity, homicide is not the answer. Yes, I know Adrian Monk and Jack Bauer are no longer available, but Horatio Caine (CSI: MIAMI) is still kickin’ and can be found on Sun. nights this fall. Murder is just not worth the consequences, because those weeds will probably come back like real zombies and invade your classes. Who needs that?
My next blog will suggest specific techniques for killing the weeds in your department. Now you can go load your weapons. See ya soon.
COPYRIGHT © 2010 Ronald A. Berk, LLC
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