Here’s the list I promised you. I hope you like it.
TOP TEN IDIOT SNOW DRIVERS
10. Drivers with 3 feet of snow on their roofs to sport the snow-pompadour look (Of course, it’s illegal and the hundred pounds of snow can fly off and hit someone’s windshield)
9. Drivers who pass snow plows, ambulances, fire trucks, and other emergency vehicles into the oncoming lane during blizzard conditions because they’re driving too slowly
8. Drivers of rear-wheel or front-wheel drive vehicles spinning their wheels uselessly as they try to conquer an unplowed steep hill over and over and over again
7. Drivers who spin endlessly at a stoplight in the middle of a snow-covered intersection and create a packed down, tractionless patch of ice for other drivers to experience
6. Drivers of any vehicle making turns on snow-covered streets at regular speed, skidding sideways and just missing the oncoming cars in the opposite lane
5. Drivers of SUVs flying down snow-and-ice-covered roads with total abandon as if it was a sunny day in July
4. Drivers who try to use their Mini Cooper to plow an avalanche of snow in their driveways, only to end up burying themselves
3. Drivers wearing a suit (not snow suit) who dig out their cars with an oar from their rubber dinghy, a frying pan, or ski pole
2. Drivers who clear ice off of their windshields and under their car with a claw hammer, hatchet, or baseball bat (Is it baseball season already?)
AND THE NUMBER ONE IDIOT:
1. Driver of a Miata who, for reasons unknown to God or man, parked on an unplowed street, and then requested friends to push him out so he could relocate to another “better,” snow-covered parking space
These certified whackadoodles and wing-nuts are a danger to all of us and themselves. They’re on the loose everywhere and there are no immediate signs that they will be captured until they damage something or have to have their car towed out of a snowdrift they skidded in to. No doubt, we will continue to shake our collective heads and roll our collective eye-balls when we have close encounters of the idiot-driver kind. It’s probably best to stay in your homes until spring. Cabin fever never looked so safe!
Please let me know if there are other idiots I’ve missed. I know they’re out there.
COPYRIGHT © 2010 Ronald A. Berk, LLC
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