Somehow in all that we do as professionals we find creative ways to foul things up—make dumb decisions with disastrous consequences. These decisions occur in our classroom, office, sports stadium, home, and just about every other venue we frequent. They typically involve relationships with colleagues, students, friends, family, and animals.
Why do these bad decisions keep happening? Haven’t we learned anything from our past mistakes? Maybe, but we still are able to discover new ways or repeat old ways to botch up critical relationships in our lives.
Why do we make bad decisions?
Here are 4 reasons or conditions under which we make the WRONG decision:
1. When we’re tired and impatient. We get frustrated waiting for others to take action or we are just tired mentally, physically, and/or spiritually. Making an important decision at a time of weakness is unwise. We always need to act from a position of strength. Our impatience may prompt us to jump the gun and make the wrong decision.
2. When we feel we can do it alone. We may be under the illusion that we are in control, but the information we have available may be inadequate, inappropriate, or inaccurate. Pride may interfere with our willingness to seek counsel to obtain the best information for the right decision.
3. When we rely on bad advice from someone we trust. There are people in our lives who can steer us in the wrong direction, unintentionally or intentionally. When we place our faith and trust in colleagues, friends, and family members, we can receive bad advice. Sometimes it’s difficult to discern who has the expertise that will guide our decision-making and who has our best interests at heart.
4. When our reasoning is faulty. Frequently our reasoning behind a decision can be faulty, unwise, imperceptive, and difficult to untangle. Again, we can get into trouble without realizing it because our thinking is off-track and incorrect. A fresh brain examining the same situation can provide valuable insight into the right decision.
RECOMMENDATIONS:
1. Make decisions from a position of sound mind, body, heart, and soul.
2. Be patient when you depend on others before making a decision.
3. Seek a mentor, coach, or advisor who can provide appropriate and independent guidance for the decision. Do your homework thoroughly before picking this mentor. You may need more than one.
4. Don’t hesitate to obtain advice anytime on any decision from an appropriate advisor.
COPYRIGHT © 2010 Ronald A. Berk, LLC
While the substantive foundation of the mentor-mentee relationship is the experience, knowledge, skills, and/or wisdom of the mentor, it’s the unique personal connection or chemistry between mentor and mentee that is critical to the success and longevity of the relationship, regardless of the communication form. That element is essential for most all in-depth, meaningful relationships; it’s not essential for superficial, fly-by-night, or popular, short-term, illicit celebrity relationships.
What Happens When the Chemistry Is Missing?
If the mentee is (a) intimidated, frightened, or uncomfortable in any way in the relationship, (b) gulps down an anti-nausea medication before each meeting, or (c) simply ends up with a mentor resembling Freddy Krueger or Dog the Bounty Hunter, the relationship is DOOMED! In other words, it’s dead in the water or some other fluid, regardless of the substantive expertise the mentor could provide. The emotional intelligence, especially interpersonal skills, of both mentor and mentee is a crucial determinant of the chemistry. That’s why relationships are non-formulaic and often quite messy.
I strongly recommend that you consider the “chemistry” in the matching strategy you use to build the relationships in your program. Of course, you must also take into account the substantive content and demographic characteristics of the participants.
I recently completed a manuscript that described a technique for matching mentees with mentors that addresses all of these criteria. It’s now in review. I’ll let you know when it’s available at later date. Stick around my blogs. Your comments are always welcome.
COPYRIGHT © 2010 Ronald A. Berk, LLC
Formal mentorship programs typically involve faculty-student and senior faculty-junior faculty pairings to facilitate the academic and career performance of the mentees. They have taken on a myriad of formats at institutions throughout the universe. They’re popping up everywhere. The emphasis in most programs is on the mentor and the various roles he or she can play in fostering the development of the mentee.
What’s so special about the relationship between a mentor and mentee? After all, it’s just the pairing of a wiser, more experienced, sage-type professor with a newbie or less experienced, sageless junior faculty member or a student. The mentor’s primary function is to show the mentee the academic ropes, albeit the teaching, research, or clinical nuts and bolts—to serve as a human advisor-career version of CliffsNotes®.
WROOOONG! It’s a bit more complicated, like friend and romantic relationships. This blog dissects the relationship to reveal its most basic innards or components. Each relationship is unique.
Components of the Mentor-Mentee Relationship
There are at least six major components of each mentor-mentee relationship that make it different from every other mentoring relationship:
1. mentor’s role, which can be teacher, counselor, advisor, sponsor, resource, and/or advocate,
2. frequency of communication via face-to-face, e-mail, TM, and/or phone,
3. mentor’s expertise,
4. academic interests of the pair,
5. length of the relationship, and
6. chemistry of the relationship.
All of these factors contribute the uniqueness and success or failure of each relationship.
Among the components of the relationship, the one often overlooked in the pairing process is the personal chemistry. It is a critical determinant of the success of the relationship. My next blog will explore this component.
COPYRIGHT © 2010 Ronald A. Berk, LLC
