TOP 10 (continued)
Here are my remaining five observations. Enjoy!
5. If you sit in one of the front bulkhead seats where your view is a carpeted wall that separates you from 1st class, you will find that the bins above contain safety demonstration equipment, oxygen tanks, defibrillators, spare engines, etc., rather than space for your luggage. This means you must put your luggage in bins behind you. Ahha! When it’s time to "deplane" (as Herve ‘Tattoo’ Villechaize shouted on Fantasy Island), and the passengers’ near-trampling mentality kicks in, just how you are supposed to retrieve your luggage? You could be rotting on the plane for days until you can reach it.
4. As experienced “zone 1” back-of-the plane luggage jammers enter the plane before you, they put their luggage in the front bins and then walk to the back to find their seat. This means, by the time you get on, the bin above your seat is probably already full. Where are you supposed to put your luggage? See observation number 5 for your bin location.
3. As passengers are looking for their seats, they see a business or hunting/fishing/skiing buddy or friend with whom they were just talking at the gate, and now have to continue that conversation as though it was their 50th reunion. Of course, this clogs up the aisle so the people behind can’t get to their seats.
2. If you paid for an aisle seat (except on Southwest), plan on your aisle leg, arm, and shoulder being black and blue or dislocated from being smacked with every conceivable type of luggage, stroller, baby car seat, and bag by those passengers barreling down the aisle trying to find their seats.
AND THE NUMBER ONE OBSERVATION:
1. If the luggage doesn’t get you, the beverage cart will: It can store thousands of soda cans, but it’s really designed to cleanly sever all body parts in its path. As it mows down extremities in the aisle, consider the following: As you’re bleeding profusely with your forearm on the carpet below you, instead of asking: “What would you like to drink?,” wouldn’t it be more appropriate and considerate for the airline attendant to ask: “Would you like a tourniquet? What’s your blood type? Would you like a blood transfusion with your Coke Zero?”
What I have I missed? Please let me know your observations. As you have noticed, 8 of the 10 can be blamed on the passengers. My tentative conclusion from these observations is: Many of the passengers are inconsiderate knuckleheads who shouldn’t be allowed on the aircraft without a personal nurse, social worker, or parole officer. How do we get rid of them or spike their rate and level of cognitive and social functioning? Think of some solutions. Let me know your thoughts.
COPYRIGHT © 2010 Ronald A. Berk, LLC
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