AFTERTHOUGHT: After I reread my previous blog about all of the blogs I wrote this past year, one thought raced through my mind: “What an idiot!” I could have written a 200–250-page book for the price of all of those blogs. Knucklehead me. Bad me. Of course I'm kidding because I’m still in a celebratory mood.
While I’m in the mood on this blessed occasion, chuckle-wise, I offer the following Top 10 from actual police car video files from around the country (source unknown). ENJOY!
TOP 10 COMMENTS BY POLICE OFFICERS TO PERPS
10. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
9. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
8. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
7. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them for a while."
6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
5. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
4. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
3. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
2. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC (National Crime Information Center).”
AND THE NO. 1 COMMENT TO PERPS:
1. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
Thanks for reading. I’ll resume the WRITING series tomorrow with Tip 6: Write on topics about which you feel passionate. Write with fire, not a blanket to conk out your readers and then tuck them in.
COPYRIGHT © 2010 Ronald A. Berk, LLC
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