AFTERTHOUGHT: After I reread my previous blog about all of the blogs I wrote this past year, one thought raced through my mind: “What an idiot!” I could have written a 200–250-page book for the price of all of those blogs. Knucklehead me. Bad me. Of course I'm kidding because I’m still in a celebratory mood.
While I’m in the mood on this blessed occasion, chuckle-wise, I offer the following Top 10 from actual police car video files from around the country (source unknown). ENJOY!
TOP 10 COMMENTS BY POLICE OFFICERS TO PERPS
10. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
9. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
8. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
7. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them for a while."
6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
5. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
4. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
3. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
2. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC (National Crime Information Center).”
AND THE NO. 1 COMMENT TO PERPS:
1. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
Thanks for reading. I’ll resume the WRITING series tomorrow with Tip 6: Write on topics about which you feel passionate. Write with fire, not a blanket to conk out your readers and then tuck them in.
COPYRIGHT © 2010 Ronald A. Berk, LLC
ATTENTION, POWERPOINTERS!!
I recently Googled “PowerPoint,” “Presentations,” and “Conference Presentations” to make sure I am not spewing material you could obtain elsewhere. I’m NOT. However, I encourage you to peruse Microsoft’s recommendations and those by other “experts” on communication principles with PowerPoint.
THEIR INTENT is: To present a nice, neat, semi-interesting, professional presentation of important information.
OUR HERO’S INTENT is (Watch out! Are ya ready?): To deliver the same information while connecting, engaging, exciting, entertaining, motivating, and, maybe even, inspiring your audience so that their presentation experience with YOU is unforgettable and the information memorable. Your audience should be on the edges of their uncomfortable seats, not relaxed and passive in a beach lounger. That’s kinda like teaching, but without the students, although I recommend the same approach in the classroom.
DISCLAIMER:
My suggestions in these blogs will blow the traditional PowerPoint recommendations to smithereens. Will I violate the rules? You bet. They will be shredded, ground into pulp, and smashed into PowerPoint road kill. (Note: I apologize for the violence in this disclaimer. Sometimes I get carried away.) For example, I tried the recommended traditional, one color slide-same font approaches. Guess what? The slides were as boring as the content on them. (Sidebar: As a former freelance photographer, I learned early on that if a picture doesn’t elicit some feeling [positive or negative] by the viewer, then it should be discarded as ineffective.)
NEW RULE FOR POWERPOINT: That rule should apply to our PowerPoint slides. Our audience should be emotionally involved in our presentation. That begins with the slides. A spiritless, unemotional reaction to our slides is totally unacceptable. If my strategy is making you nervous or you already started throwing up in this 1st paragraph, you might want to get a vomit bag or close this blog.
BERK'S GOAL: To arm you with the tools to create break-the-mold presentations, not create a moldy audience as they drift into a coma.
BERK'S AUDIENCE ASSUMPTIONS: I assume every audience to whom I present has better things to do with its valuable time than attend my session. The cynics and know-it-alls are thinking: “Tell me something I DON’T already know.” The students probably have the attention span of goat cheese and mentally operate at “twitch speed.”
THE CHALLENGE: Open the presentation with a bang and sustain that bang or you’ll lose them. It’s opening night on Broadway!
8. LETTER AND WORD MOVEMENT (Continued)
As a follow-up to yesterday’s blog, I’m going to build on the animation effects described for titles and extend them to lists and jokes. I’m also going add more effect options that will have your head swimming by the time you get to the copyright line, although I still have no clue what a swimming head looks like.
BULLET OR NUMBER LISTS: Picture your slide right now or look at it. It should have only a title flown in by FedEx or someone else. Next comes the content. You have 2 choices:
a. animate each word, phrase, or line in your list using an Entrance effect
b. animate the entire list at once, then highlight each point with an Emphasis or Motion Path effect, on the dropdown under Entrance effects
Think about the content and what you plan on saying about it. Also, consider that your audience has your slides in the handout. Since they will see the content on the screen, you need only make a few comments. In fact, you don’t have to read anything. On some slides, let them glance at the material. Say NOTHING!
Key question: WHAT’S THE BEST WAY TO CONVEY THE POINT OF THIS SLIDE? Your answer can use a or b animation, plus how much you need to ADD, if anything. What can you provide beyond what your audience can simply read for themselves?
JOKES: If you are planning verbal humor with slides, such as multiple-choice or Top 10 format, the animation feature of PowerPoint is perfect for increasing the visual and audio impact of the joke. Since the element of surprise is critical to the incongruity of the serious set-up and the punch line, each line will enter the slide separately as you deliver the audio component.
a. Multiple-Choice Format: Read the (serious) stem as it enters the screen using Faded Zoom or another effect. Then, for the 4 or 5 choices, which are punch lines, animate each one with Fly In as you say it. The timing must be precise. Lots of practice will be involved, but the result will be worth it.
b. Top 10 List: You’ve seen David Letterman do Top 10s a gazillion times. In this case, the semi-serious title of the Top 10 enters in place of the serious stem. The 10 choices or punches are then revealed using the same effect as the M-C punches, except for the last one. Remember the order is 10 down to 1. After the no. 2 punch, you introduce the 1 punch with a drum roll sound effect (will be covered later), and “And the no. 1 reason everyone’s stressed is.” Then the 1 punch flies in.
I hope these animation suggestions give you some direction for bringing your words to life. Let me know your thoughts and what you have tried. What are your Fave animations? What’s the difference between 03 and 07 PowerPoint? All of my effects are based on the former. My next blog will examine simple visuals, such as pictures, cartoons, and graphics. Have a super-weekend!
COPYRIGHT © 2009 Ronald A. Berk, LLC
