TOP 10 (continued)
Here are my remaining five observations. Enjoy!
5. If you sit in one of the front bulkhead seats where your view is a carpeted wall that separates you from 1st class, you will find that the bins above contain safety demonstration equipment, oxygen tanks, defibrillators, spare engines, etc., rather than space for your luggage. This means you must put your luggage in bins behind you. Ahha! When it’s time to "deplane" (as Herve ‘Tattoo’ Villechaize shouted on Fantasy Island), and the passengers’ near-trampling mentality kicks in, just how you are supposed to retrieve your luggage? You could be rotting on the plane for days until you can reach it.
4. As experienced “zone 1” back-of-the plane luggage jammers enter the plane before you, they put their luggage in the front bins and then walk to the back to find their seat. This means, by the time you get on, the bin above your seat is probably already full. Where are you supposed to put your luggage? See observation number 5 for your bin location.
3. As passengers are looking for their seats, they see a business or hunting/fishing/skiing buddy or friend with whom they were just talking at the gate, and now have to continue that conversation as though it was their 50th reunion. Of course, this clogs up the aisle so the people behind can’t get to their seats.
2. If you paid for an aisle seat (except on Southwest), plan on your aisle leg, arm, and shoulder being black and blue or dislocated from being smacked with every conceivable type of luggage, stroller, baby car seat, and bag by those passengers barreling down the aisle trying to find their seats.
AND THE NUMBER ONE OBSERVATION:
1. If the luggage doesn’t get you, the beverage cart will: It can store thousands of soda cans, but it’s really designed to cleanly sever all body parts in its path. As it mows down extremities in the aisle, consider the following: As you’re bleeding profusely with your forearm on the carpet below you, instead of asking: “What would you like to drink?,” wouldn’t it be more appropriate and considerate for the airline attendant to ask: “Would you like a tourniquet? What’s your blood type? Would you like a blood transfusion with your Coke Zero?”
What I have I missed? Please let me know your observations. As you have noticed, 8 of the 10 can be blamed on the passengers. My tentative conclusion from these observations is: Many of the passengers are inconsiderate knuckleheads who shouldn’t be allowed on the aircraft without a personal nurse, social worker, or parole officer. How do we get rid of them or spike their rate and level of cognitive and social functioning? Think of some solutions. Let me know your thoughts.
COPYRIGHT © 2010 Ronald A. Berk, LLC
Have you flown on any of our domestic airlines in recent months? Do you ever plan to fly? If you answered “yes” to any of those 14 questions, keep reading.
CAVEAT EMPTOR (a Latin expression, meaning literally, “luggage in the overhead bin can kill you”): Flying is an adventure. OMGosh! Don’t take anything for granted. Returning home from your travels unscathed with all of your body integrity and luggage intact requires vigilance and preparation.
Recently, I jotted down a few observations of just the boarding procedures by several of the major airlines. It is my conclusion that they are far too complicated and confusing for most people to follow. The result: From the gate through the jet way to the aisle on the aircraft, there is passenger blockage everywhere.
The problem areas that need attention are described in my following top 10 list. This blog presents the 1st five; the next blog contains the remaining five. Remember, I am not suggesting solutions yet. Maybe you can relate to 1 or 2 of these problems.
TOP 10 OBSERVATIONS:
10. When the boarding announcement at the gate is made for your zone to board, the obsessive-compulsives are already standing near the agent ready to jump into line as everyone else rushes to line up, only to come to a screeching halt 3 feet later in the jet-way tunnel where everyone is backed up, standing in either frying or freezing temps until the aisle cloggers on the plane sit down.
9. Boarding pass seat numbers with 1 or 2 digits and a letter are waaay too difficult for many passengers to locate their seats, plus they can’t find the numbers above the seats. (Obviously, these passengers missed several “must-see” episodes of Sesame Street.) (NOTE: Even without a seat number and a letter, passengers on Southwest can’t make a decision on which seat to pick and, instead, just hold up aisle traffic until they can make up their minds.)
8. Passengers who can’t locate their seats or try to jam tons of “over-sized” luggage into the overhead bins clog the aisle like standing blobs of plaque, blocking everyone else from getting to their seats and delaying take-off.
7. Passengers carry-on waaay too much luggage and tooo many bags even when checked luggage is free on Southwest and the flight is nonstop.
6. Passengers who carry on 2- or 3-suiters and large duffel bags try to smash them into the already over-packed overhead bins. This violates a basic law of physics: “No 2 objects can occupy the same space at the same time.”
Have you experienced any of these passengers on your flights? We need to do something about them. Think about a few solutions while I write the next five observations in my list. I think you’ll like those even more. Stick around. Don’t abandon me yet.
COPYRIGHT © 2010 Ronald A. Berk, LLC
